The control / release cycle is talked about in John Bradshaw"s excellent book "Healing The Shame That Binds You".

The control / release cycle is this: a period of rigid control and boundaries around an area of your life – stringent dieting and exercise for example, followed by a period of release – when you fall into a "binge" pattern: eat all of the foods you forbade yourself in the "control" period and avoid the gym like the plague!

The control / release cycle means you either have total control "compulsivity" or you have no control "addiction", they are interconnected and set each other up as the more intensely you control, the more you require the balance of release and the more you self destructively release (undoing all your hard work) the more intensely you require control and so on.

If there are feelings of low self-esteem, shame and self-punishment from childhood underneath the control / release cycle it seems to intensify both sides of the tension – extreme control followed by extreme release.

We can see this dynamic in any kinds of addiction. We have both seen this dynamic, to lesser or greater extent, present in clients we have worked who have struggled with weight loss, food addiction and eating disorder issues for many years before coming to visit us.

If you recognise the above and are exhausted by the lack of balance in your life, get in contact with us now for a chat on how we can help you to resolve what"s driving this and enable you to find a more peaceful way forward.

We are really excited to be teaching our super-techniques EFT & Matrix Reimprinting on our 3 day London training 14th, 15th & 16th September at the beautiful and very central location of the Park Crescent Conference Centre on Great Portland Street.

You can hear what one of our previous trainees had to say here:

If you are interested in attending our training, please do get in touch as soon as possible to reserve a place as it's selling out fast.

A good one to remind yourself of, the next time you're criticising your supposed flaws in the changing rooms!

We're in Health & Fitness Mag again this month - check out our press page to read our top tips for feeling beach-body confident.

Many people come to see us complaining of their self-destructive or self-sabotaging behaviour, this can manifest in many areas: in relationships you may push someone away despite feeling strongly for them or you may want a relationship but you invariably choose unavailable partners, you may spend money you can ill-afford to, you find yourself putting all the weight back on you've just spent months sloughing off and so on. If these things become 'patterns' then they are certainly worth looking at in greater depth.

Many clients we've seen can get extremely frustrated and angry at their apparently 'self sabotaging' behaviour. However, in our combined 17 years experience of working with the unconscious mind one thing has become very apparent - it's often very little to do with self sabotage and a lot to do with self-protection.

It may feel like self-sabotage, but often the unconscious is trying to protect you by producing reactions and behaviours based on old beliefs: perhaps it isn't 'safe' for you to have a relationship because you were hurt in the past or you experienced your parents divorcing as a child, perhaps you have inherited negative beliefs around money such as 'money is the root of all evil' so unconsciously you throw it away or perhaps the last time you lost weight you experienced something negative - often unrelated but your unconscious associated it with whatever was going on at the time. On a more general level it can be that you have a core belief that it's not safe for you to have what you really want as you experienced the loss of someone, or something, you really loved.

If you keep finding yourself in seemingly self-destructive patterns of behaviour it's vital to look at what is going on underneath, once your conscious desires and your unconscious beliefs are aligned the world you live in becomes a much more flow-ful place to be.

We're in Health & Fitness Mag this month - check out our press page to see Zoe's advice for feeling confident on your big day.

Abundance is a big issue for many people and being friends with money is important if we want to live a comfortable life. Money itself is neutral – this sounds obvious, but how many times do you get angry and frustrated with money – it’s the thoughts and beliefs we have about it that cause the problems, so much of the time we put ‘our stuff’ on money and then blame money for it! If you were brought up with toxic beliefs around money (such as "money is the root of all evil" or "you have to work yourself into the ground to get money") you may find this is especially true for you. One way to find out what your unconscious beliefs about money are is to take a look at your bank balance and general credit / debit situation!

Here’s a good exercise you can do to find out how you ‘see money’, close your eyes and make yourself comfortable – imagine ‘money’ is a person, now see how you ‘feel’ about this person, secondly how do you treat this person, what is your relationship like with them? Are you consistent, loving and respectful with this person or do you reject, blame and get angry with them? If it’s the latter it could be that you could do with doing some work around your relationship with money as if you want it to stick around it’s important that you become good friends!

1. Word repetition

Repeating a word keeps the mind focused on that particular word, rather than thinking and obsessing about the future or things you need to do. Using simple words or phrases like "it, it, it, it" or "the, the, the". It is also good to repeat the word in a random rhythm. "it, it, ....... it ....... it, it, it, it, ........ it' etc.

2. Bedtime rituals

Get your mind ready for sleep by repeating certain tasks before you go to bed: lighting a scented candle in the bedroom, taking a relaxing bath, and then reading or listening to relaxing music. Doing this every night prepares the mind, and signals to your body that it is time, for sleep.

3. Set boundaries between day and night

If you've had a busy day it can be difficult for the mind to switch off and it can prevent you falling asleep if you have tasks from your to do lists unhelpfully popping up every couple of minutes. A helpful practice is to write everything down that you have to do the next day and leave it outside your bedroom - this is good for creating a boundary between night and day. If any of those tasks pop in back into you- mind, just remind yourself that it's all taken care of and can wait until the morning.

4. Keep your bedroom as a bedroom

Don't confuse your bedroom with your office, games room, telephone booth or anything else. Your bedroom is where you go to sleep. If you use your room as a work space then your mind can get confused between the two, and therefore it finds it hard to recognise when you want to sleep, play or work. Keep bedtime and your bedroom simple and clutter free.

5. Regular Exercise

This reduces stress levels. There is scientific evidence to suggest that exercising too close to bedtime will keep you awake as it can be stimulating, if this is the case for you then make sure you exercise instead at a time that suits your body.

6. Sleep Cycles

Get in to the habit of getting up and going to bed at a certain time. This allows the body to get in to a sleep cycle and the body and mind find rhythms soothing.

7. Mind Trickery - Carey's favourite way to fall asleep

Have you noticed that you try and force yourself to sleep by telling yourself to sleep the opposite happens? Try the reverse instead. When your eyes are closing, open them and try to stay awake. You are literally tricking your mind in to sleeping. We love a bit of reverse psychology!

8. More Mind Trickery - Zoe's favourite way to fall asleep.

Most of the clients that we see suffering from insomnia go to bed telling themselves 'I must sleep' and visualise how terrible they are going to feel the next day, tell yourself instead that you don't care whether you sleep and even if you feel tired the next day you'll survive it and get through it, you may not feel amazing, but you don't have to feel amazing every day, and you'll feel so tired the next night at the very least you'll sleep really well then. You've handled bigger things in life than some tiredness the next day!

9. Breathing

Focus on your breath. Taking a deeper breath in and out, keep focusing on the breath and if your mind wanders off, just gently but firmly bring it back to the breath

10. Lose unhelpful sleep habits

Get the clock display out of your eye level, opening your eyes to check what time it is every 10 minutes and calculating "I've only got another 4 hours before the alarm goes off" is not helpful!

We are both really excited to have recently been taken on by Find-A-TV-Expert. You find our profile here. We've already been asked to contribute to an article giving expert advice on how to deal with a break-up, which will be posting in our press section as soon as it's out in Spring. We have both had a taste of what it's like to do TV: Zoe worked with TV presenter Caroline Flack helping her to overcome her jungle phobias for "I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here" and Carey did some filming for a Channel 4 show last year. We both loved the experiences and are looking forward to some more TV opportunities this year.

We have a little theory that, when we are not getting what we want, it is because we are not being true to ourselves in some way. Let us give you an example, if you've ever been in company that isn't really you, you will notice how your energy will drop, you'll feel tired and flat, and you may not connect with the people, they may be perfectly nice people but they simply aren't your 'cup of tea'. The same apples to other areas of our lives such as work, if it's not really 'us' then we find ourselves out of alignment, dreading going into work and feeling fatigued by what we are doing. When it comes to being true to yourself ask yourself these questions: Do you find it hard to attend to your own needs? Do you say yes to others demands when really you mean no? Do you have a great big pile of 'oughts' and 'shoulds'? Do you find that you automatically put everyone else's needs before your own? Do you find yourself feeling resentful and disconnected? Do you find yourself focusing on other people's problems to avoid facing things deep down you'd like to change? We are about to enter 2012 and that quiet period in between Christmas and New Year is the perfect time to reconnect with your 'self'. Reflect on what you really want, who or what you need to say 'no' to more next year and how you can take really good care of yourself. Remember, when you say 'no' you say 'yes' to yourself and the more you connect with your true self the more life will work for you!

We first read this quote in M. Scott Peck's excellent "The Road Less Travelled". Even though the quote itself is a bit of a tongue-twister, we love the truth at its core. Think about it: as an individual we may experience real pain as a child - trauma; an unavailable, overly strict or abusive parent; feeling unwanted; not feeling good enough; carrying 'shame' - all of these carry through into adulthood and can affect our self-esteem and sense of 'self'.

As adults this indefinable unconscious pain may manifest as depression, feelings of emptiness (feeling that something is 'missing'), a loss of vitality (feeling like we are not really alive), anxiety or low self-esteem. To find ways to cover up this pain or 'fill the hole' we can end up looking to something outside of ourselves - albeit a substance, action or person to provide us with a sense of self-worth and temporary feelings of relief. This often develops into an addiction which in turn creates more pain, in the form of unhealthy co-dependent relationships, alcohol or narcotic abuse, emotional spending issues or food issues (binge eating, anorexia and bulimia).

Although we can neither avoid nor deny the pain held in our unconscious that emanates from our early experiences, we can avoid the pain that comes from trying to avoid the original pain with addictive and ultimately destructive behaviour. The braver we are, both in facing our original pain through personal development or energy work, and in honouring and grieving our original childhood issues, the less likely we are to unconsciously ‘act out’ and to create more pain in our lives as adults.

No we're not talking about British Gas, but you and your life-force. Thinking of yourself and your energy as a bank account can be really helpful in terms of keeping yourself in balance. Too many 'withdrawals'; partying, excessive working, too much booze and junk food, listening to friends and colleagues problems, not saying 'no' or taking time for yourself, will take you into the 'red' and leave you feeling drained, ratty and resentful. You want to look to keep yourself firmly in credit and note those things which naturally boost you - this is a personal choice - it's whatever feeds your well-being and is often pretty low-key and gentle - activities that just allow you to 'be' e.g. walks in nature, lay-ins, exercise, belly-laughing, long baths, saying no and cancelling plans! If you splurge on your credit cards you cut back, take the same attitude with your energy and note when you're getting 'low' and need 'topping-up'. Remember you are the foundations of your life and the better 'you' feel the better everything else in your life will run too!

Do you find yourself needing drama in your life or relationships in order to feel 'alive'?

We’ve both been guilty of this in the past, especially as teenagers! Those drunken rows, the jealous rages, the making up and breaking up and making up and so on… Those tempestuous relationships can seem superficially so much more ‘exciting’ than others but how long before the unpredictable and wildly stimulating becomes exhausting and draining?! Not to mention predictably unpredictable? (especially for our long-suffering friends). These patterns of behaviour once served us after all every problem was once a solution, perhaps creating drama meant that you got the attention that you lacked at home? or perhaps that is what you were you used to living in at home and so it feels familar to recreate it.

When we feel a need to continually create drama in our lives and relationships, it’s often a compensation for an underlying emptiness in our lives or selves, if we haven’t connected with our life purpose or own inner vitality we can rush around seeking it madly in our external life and unconsciously creating it in our own relationships.

If you'd like to be free of the drama in your life and relationships then the first place to look is at what is driving your need for it, and then if you're ready to change it then give us a call!

We can’t remember where we read that but isn’t it great?

Whenever anyone is asked what they want in a prospective life partner / potential love of their life, they give similar answers – warm, loving, honest, supportive, dynamic, faithful, GSOH and the list goes on...

What we forget to ask ourselves is how many of these are we?

In the hunt for love we can get so hung up on finding someone who ticks all of the boxes that we forget to look at our own part of it – how many of these boxes are we ticking? Remember ‘like attracts like’ and the more you embody what you want, the more likely you are to find it.

“Sometimes it’s the good experiences that drive our unhelpful habits and behaviour, not the bad!”

This theory first came to light when we read a book by Silvia Hartmann PhD, Karl Dawson also discusses the concept in his book "Matrix Reimprinting". It's how an initial positive experience can manifest into an unhelpful habit or unwanted behaviour. You're probably wondering how? After all most self help books, psychologists and therapists encourage us to delve into our inner most fears, insecurities and traumas to establish why we run unhealthy patterns in our lives and that's what makes this theory so interesting and ground breaking for those people that are struggling to make positive changes.

A Guiding Star is a time in our past when we have experienced a moment, or moments, of bliss and we subconsciously (and consciously) try to recreate the same events in order to get back to that blissful feeling, once again. E.g. your Father took you for ice cream every Sunday and in that moment you experienced love and happiness as you spent time alone with your Father, on some level your subconscious mind could have associated ice cream with the feelings of love and happiness. This is fine unless you are now 30 years of age and tearing through three tubs of ice cream a week because your subconscious is looking to recreate those positive feelings. The same can happen with initial exciting teenage experiences of alcohol and smoking and many other situations or substances.

It is virtually impossible to recreate a specific moment from the past and simultaneously feel the same emotions and often we are not consciously aware we are doing this. If you’re struggling with compulsive behaviour around a substance or situation then get in touch on how we can help you with that…

The mind and body relationship are circular, and although fertility is usually seen as a purely medical matter enough anecdotal material exists to suggest that psychological factors play a significant factor in some women, therefore the unconscious can have a part to play in assisting or resisting conception. As we’ve discussed in earlier posts the unconscious mind simply doesn’t understand linear time. A lot of women spend half their lives trying ‘not’ to get pregnant, and then suddenly when it’s the right time they can find the rest of them hasn’t quite ‘caught up’, often there are unconscious conflicts that need to be resolved. When working with a client on fertility we believe the following are beneficial:

• Clearing negative beliefs that may have begun at birth or childhood around pregnancy and birth
• Clearing teenage fears about pregnancy
• Dealing with emotional issues and events from the past such as terminations or miscarriages
• Using hypnotic suggestion to optimise the body for pregnancy
• Teaching relaxation techniques
• Working on self esteem and confidence levels to maintain a positive attitude and ‘receptive’ state

We use a powerful combination of Hypnotherapy, Hypnoanalysis, EFT, Matrix Reimprinting, NLP & Psych-K – the whole purpose of our work is to align the conscious with the unconscious for conception.

When we work with eating disorders clients always come with a focus and obsession on food – often believing this is the problem and that if they could just control this then everything would fall into place, however the probable reasons for any kind of eating disorder lie much deeper than just what and how an individual eats every day. Helping a client to build the foundations of their self esteem is where we begin, as for the individual with an eating disorder, every unfelt feeling, every unresolved problem has a way of turning into overeating or controlling food. We work to help clients break that destructive cycle of bingeing, manic yo-yo dieting and self starvation forever and ease them towards listening to the wisdom of their body, being able to differentiate between physical and emotional hunger and into a place of balance and health.

Having low self-esteem can mean you make things more complicated then they actually are. You can avoid things assuming you won’t be able to do them. Do you hear yourself saying ‘I wish I could do that’, ‘oh that’s not for me’ or ‘I’m just no good with figures’, have you noticed that by limiting yourself with your words instantly stops your in your tracks in terms of action?

We may look at someone and think ‘how on earth did they do that?’ or ‘how did they get there’, forgetting of course that like everyone they did it in stages and it’s part of a journey and a process. It’s unlikely that any of us are exceptionally good at something the first time we do it, it’s also OK to feel nerves or apprehension the first time you do something, just acknowledge that feeling and do it anyway. You don’t even have to do it well as long as you do it, you don’t even have to believe in yourself to do it, just do it and the self belief builds. So next time you’re thinking about starting a new project or trying something new and the inner critic jumps in with it’s usual helpful comments, just do it anyway, not only will you be pleasantly surprised but you’ll be building your self esteem too!

We endlessly seek other peoples approval, when the only approval that means anything to us is.... our own.

Are you willing to give up your life or what you might do for thinking about what other people might be thinking? Think about it!

Whatever problem you have - overeating, overdrinking, maxing the credit cards, even smoking – was once a solution. In your earlier years, these things in their newness and moderation would have felt nothing but harmless and pleasurable – drinking helped you relax, spending money made you feel good and attractive, smoking made you feel grown-up and part of the gang. For a lot of people these things can stay a pleasure, but for some it gets to the destructive stage - compulsive bingeing, a continual stream of regretted hangovers (how did that happen again?!), unmanageable debt and compulsive addictive behaviour that’s no longer a solution but a big problem.

As we’ve explained in earlier posts, the unconscious mind simply doesn’t understand linear time - whilst consciously we know that what we are doing is no longer working out for us, our unconscious is often still stubbornly holding onto an old behaviour that was once genuinely, albeit temporarily, helpful.

If you are struggling with a stubborn destructive behaviour then it can be really useful to use Hypnotherapy, EFT or Matrix Reimprinting to work with that ‘part’ of you that still believes this behaviour is a solution to ‘update the script’ and help you to let go of the compulsive behaviour or habit that is definitely no longer a solution!

To make real changes we need to experience a shift in consciousness. By this we mean something needs to change inside. Say you are trying to get out of debt for example. Perhaps you have struggled since your teens with money issues and even when you have earned more you have found yourself spending more and still not having quite enough to cover things at the end of the month - you unconsciously fritter money away and then beat yourself up for self-sabotaging!

Real fixes take place from within, not from without. Nothing external – from stardom to a winning lottery ticket – is going to make your "self" any better. The self is an internal image, who you perceive yourself to be, a composite of your thoughts and beliefs. If that self doesn’t change, then you will continue to act and feel as you did before, and in time, regardless of circumstances, you will produce exactly the same set of circumstances as you did before - in this context a decline into debt. There are stories of lottery winners who blow it all and end up in the exact same position as they were before they bought that winning ticket. Interesting examples perhaps of disbelief that the money is ‘deserved’ and discomfort with new-found wealth - it doesn’t match their internal self-image and because of that the money doesn’t tend to stick around. It’s easy drift into fantasy and think "if this happened it would solve all my problems," but in reality we need to work with where we are right now and look at making those internal changes to experience that vital shift in consciousness for real change - "the way forward is the way inward!"

We’re both really excited to be running Weight Loss Retreats this year. Our next one will be Tuesday 22nd February – Tuesday 1st March at our beautiful detox centre in Bodrum, Turkey.

We believe it’s a weight loss retreat with a difference in that not only do you get the confidence boost and kick-start of significant weight loss with our medically supervised detox but we teach you how to keep the weight off long-term by working with you on the retreat using a combination of our techniques to enable you to change your relationship to food and exercise for life, we also teach you a technique that helps kill a craving in minutes! From our many years experience of working with weight loss we believe losing weight and maintaining your weight loss is an ‘inside job’ and this is why we think it’s so important to make the emotional changes and provide you with tools as well as helping you with the physical weight loss.

For more information about our weight loss retreat click here.

Human beings naturally want to avoid pain, as Anthony Robbins says nearly all human behaviour is either the pursuit of pleasure or the avoidance of pain.

However pain is useful, it helps us grow and if we choose to learn from it makes us stronger and wiser, even if it just for the fact that we survived something painful and our self respect increases as a result of this. It is also the ultimate tool for shifting unhelpful beliefs. Our beliefs shape our lives, and if our beliefs aren’t making us happy we need to change them. One of the first things we need to do is identify beliefs that are limiting or holding us back. Beliefs such as "I can only earn a certain amount per year" or "I just never meet anyone" limit us and keep us in that old situation or pattern that doesn’t necessarily make us happy.

So how do we consciously use pain to change our beliefs? Well the quickest way to change a belief is by associating emotional pain to the current unhelpful belief and huge emotional pleasure from the new one. So for example if you were holding onto the belief "It’s just too difficult to stop smoking"– imagine how life will be in ten years time if you don’t change this – how will you look, what state will your health be, how will you feel, how much money will you have spent? - doesn’t feel good does it? Compare it to the belief "I find it easy to be a non-smoker"– imagine the feeling of freedom, pleasure and self respect.

Spend some time today writing down areas of your life that aren’t quite working for you, looking at the beliefs you have in those areas and using the pain / pleasure tactic to begin changing them mentally and begin moving those lack-lustre areas of your life into empowerment. What have you got to lose?

We were having a meeting the other day and Alexandra Burke's song, Bad Boys, came on. The lyrics 'the bad boys they are always catching my eye', got us thinking. Why ARE many of us women so attracted to the Bad Boys? Erica Jong talks about how as women bad boys represent our own desire to rebel as women and how we are more likely to stop being attracted to the bad boys when we find our own sense of personal power and ability to rebel (be authentic) in our own way. We would also add that it's to do with your personal belief system - how you believe you deserve to be treated and of course time; bad boy behaviour that seemed so mysterious and sexy in your teens can feel pretty pedestrian once you're in your 30's.

But it does bring up an interesting question, about wanting things that are bad for us. It's human nature to want the things we are not supposed to have. Is willpower alone enough to fight off ones obsessions and compulsions? We're not convinced. In our practice it's about working with women to help them re-design the part of their life that simply isn't working and that's not to say that they 'can't' have that chocolate, destructive relationship, cigarette (whatever it is that causes those wildly conflicting love / hate feelings in them!) it's that we are supporting them in their 'choice' not to. Tell yourself you 'can't' have something and instantly it's tantalisingly desirable, make it a personal choice based on your desire for a better life (“the success of your life is based on the decisions you make” to quote Anthony Robbins) and your own growth (I'm changing this pattern as it doesn't make me happy) and it doesn't feel like you're missing out, and by choosing not to have 'that thing' allows you to have so much more else instead.

An interesting one, as jealousy has been around since the beginning of time and if we are honest with ourselves, we've all experienced it. Indeed, like most other states, jealousy can be quite useful, envy in particular can be a window into desire - you look at someones success in an area of their life and think 'I wouldn't mind a bit of that!' and if used in a healthy way you can use it to inspire you to make positive changes in your own life.

However when it's all consuming or irrational, the story is completely different. Continual jealousy puts massive strain on a relationship, leaving one partner feeling as though they're constantly walking on eggshells to avoid an outburst. The jealous partner, often aware of their problem, pendulums between anger, self-blame, insecurity and absolute justification. And if left that way, what otherwise could have been a happy and fulfilling relationship is destined to failure. Jealousy is complex, involving a myriad of thoughts, emotions and behaviours. Thoughts range from blame to comparison to self-pity. Emotions range from fear and pain, anger and rage, to sadness and humiliation, and if left unchecked can lead to aggressive behaviour.

We use a combination of different therapies to work with jealousy - looking to resolve and re-write the original sources of the insecurity (which are often based in childhood stemming from not feeling 'good enough'); EFT therapy, hypnotic suggestion and NLP to deal with the 'habit' aspect of the jealous thought patterns and behavioural responses, allowing you to move on in your life, let go of the fear of losing somebody and enjoy your relationship.

As children we are sensitive, vulnerable and dependent on others for our survival and well being. Sometimes contact with our caregivers and with the outside world wounds us or fails to meet our needs. To cope with the painful or the unbearable we build defences that make our lives more bearable and thus help us to survive. These defences then stay with us and become parts of our personality structures so that we continue to meet the world with those same defences in place. But those defences may no longer be necessary. And the walls we have built often keep us from contact (with others and with our selves) and from living fully. Problems of today were often once solutions to problems in the past. For example being angry may have been a source of attention when you were younger, and it may well be the source of attention now .... but is it the right attention when you are an adult, is it benefiting you in the same way? Most of you will find that it what once was a solution to a problem is now the problem.

To dismantle these defences we need first to appreciate how important they were in protecting us when we needed them and then to be willing allow ourselves, slowly and carefully, to become vulnerable again.

Here is an example:

Let's say that a child doesn't receive the love he needs from his parents.

He feels hurt, unwanted, rejected and probably unlovable. This pain is too much to bear. So (unconsciously) he builds a big lead box to put the pain in. And he creates a belief system that tells him that he doesn't need love, that he is completely fine without (his parents) love. This belief protects him from the disappointment of continuing to look for the love that (experience tells him) he will not get.

Life still isn't perfect but these defences dull the pain enough for him to get on with his life.

When he grows up these defences continue to operate (probably completely unconsciously). Rejections don't hurt him much. But the box that keeps pain locked away does the same for other emotions as well. Joy doesn't get through either. He feels pretty numb inside. The colours have been drained. Life is grey. His contact with his own inner world is dulled. His ability to make good contact with others is diminished.

And when love comes his way he doesn't know how to let it in. Unconsciously he is still expecting rejection. And the joy of a new love would remind him too much of the pain he felt when his first love was rejected. Consciously or unconsciously he pushes away anyone who offers him love. And then when they go his belief (that he will never be loved) is confirmed, and his defences reinforced.

The sad thing about this is that his defences end up causing exactly what they were trying to defend him from. By defending himself against the expected pain of rejection he makes people reject him.

This is why we believe it's so important to respect the defence mechanisms and gently help each client find a new more flexible way of protecting themselves whilst also allowing them to experience life and love more fully.

We've all done it, right? After one of life's hurts or disappointments, a relationship break-up, an argument or even just a bad day we use it as an opportunity to trawl through our past; gathering negative evidence about ourselves, confirming our worst beliefs, bringing up old grievances against ourselves and finding ourselves guilty of not being good enough, or perhaps we talk ourselves in to believing that we are not liked, a bad person or simply a failure! We take ourselves to trial and, surprise surprise, feel dreadful!

We call this belief-layering. At some point in our lives we might have come to an unhelpful belief about ourselves, we begin to believe this is true then subconsciously seek out evidence to affirm this ('This always happens to me', 'my relationships never last' and they become self-fulfilling prophecies). Sometimes just having an awareness of when you are doing this can be helpful and telling yourself to 'stop it' when your mind begins travelling down that familiar old route. Or you can really work on this by 'choosing' to think about it differently, after all it's just a perspective, and we believe it's really important not to get stuck in a perspective. How about if we began gathering positive evidence instead? How about when you had that bad day, you chose to believe that this is a one-off event, that it doesn't have to 'mean' so much? Learning to champion yourself is one of the most important things you can do and that includes putting things down to experience and believing in yourself and your ability to ride out lifes storms.

Do you find that certain areas of your life run really well and others not so well? Perhaps you are doing brilliantly at work but when it comes to relationships you just can't fathom your lack of success, or perhaps you find relationships easy but your finances are a disaster? This lack of congruity is more common than you think, we often feel more 'comfortable' and 'secure' in certain areas of our lives. It's helpful to understand what's happening; when we go through anything traumatic, negative, confusing or disturbing growing up – a part of us can stay 'stuck' at that age holding onto the old feelings and thoughts and 'step back in' (i.e. we feel all the vulnerability of a 5 year old that was shy at school whilst presenting at work) and take over in certain areas of our lives.

No-one seriously wants their 'child-self' in charge of their money or love life, but it's incredibly common. The good news is that with a bit of attention and the right work it can be resolved so your adult-self is firmly running the show.

One of the most important things you can do is cease being a puppet of your early conditioning and become the author of a new, happy, successful script for life.

Many of us won't think twice about spending money on clothes, hair, make-up, diet books that promise quick weight loss, tanning and other things that help us to feel good on the outside, but stall on investing in feeling good on the inside.

Some of us will spend more time researching and deliberating on what kind of shoes to buy rather than whether it's a good idea to date someone! When we want to make changes in our lives we've often been conditioned to look outside of ourselves – to someone or something else, (the 'life-changing dress' anyone?!). We're firm believers that change is an inside job and that spending time exploring how you think about, talk about, and see yourself and others - and - especially important: letting go of old beliefs that aren't making you happy, is one of the most life-changing things you can do. An increase in self confidence, self esteem and self belief works absolute wonders on how you look (you can't bottle this stuff) and, even more importantly, on how you feel about yourself.

What are you waiting for?

The key to our success in life is confidence. Confidence comes from how we talk to ourselves and what we tell ourselves has the greatest of power over our lives. How do you talk to yourself? For example when you are about to try something new, do you tell yourself "I bet this will be exciting!" or do you say things like "I'll be useless" or "what's the point, things never work out for me anyway".

If you believe you can, you probably will. On the other hand, if you believe you can't, you probably won't.

We all need our internal voice to help us navigate our way through the world, however far too often we use the power of our self-talk to limit and sabotage ourselves. Imagine for a few moments you were living in a house with a negative person that continually pointed out all your faults and shortcomings and told you that no matter what you did you 'just weren't good enough'. How long before you kicked this person out?

Probably not long! How many of you live with that internal voice every day? Our mind is one place where we do have control and if your inner voice isn't supporting you, then it is time to make some changes and replace the 'voice of fear and criticism' with the voice of 'confidence'. Contrary to popular belief we don't get strong by beating ourselves up, but by talking to ourselves in kind and nurturing ways.

We can help you identify the origins of the self-sabotaging inner voice and help you change it at a core level as well as reprogramming the unconscious mind with new positive, beneficial suggestions.

When you stop criticising yourself and start cheering yourself on instead, you will not only begin feeling better, but you will get more positive results in every area of your life and you will be growing stronger and more naturally confident each day.

Change, why do some of us fear it so much and why does it feel like a struggle? It can be helpful to understand the 'excuses we give ourselves'......

"I am helpless" -- The firm belief that you can't do anything about your situation is a powerful preventative to change. If you haven't got the power, there is nothing you can do about your situation. Seeing yourself as "helpless" can provide a powerful rationale for doing nothing. The hardest part is admitting you can do something about it, even if it's just choosing your thinking, after that change becomes easier.

"It isn't my fault" -- I'm not responsible for this unhappiness. I had nothing do with it. I'm the "victim". It just "happens" to me. This point of view is a powerful validation for not taking action. It allows for all responsibility to be denied. As long as it isn't your fault there is nothing in your behaviour you have to look at, understand, or take responsibility for. The truth is even if someone did do "that" to you, you can take responsibility now for your present and future happiness.

"I pretend..." -- The need to believe that things have changed is very strong and it sometimes takes the place of the taking the conscious awareness needed to bring about the desired change. Pretending or self delusion is a way not seeing, of denying parts of reality that are unpleasant and unsatisfying. Being honest with yourself is important.

So onto the important part; what can we do to change it?

Who we are today, how we feel about things, our beliefs about ourselves, how we make sense of the world is a product of our childhood experience. We can't really understand anyone, or ourselves, without getting a good idea of their / our background. Most of our beliefs about ourselves are formed before the age of 7 years old, when we simply don't understand that what is happening around us is not our 'responsibility'. Exploring, understanding and letting go of those old unconscious beliefs (those we came to as a child) is a powerful precursor to positive change, enabling us to create space and replace them with much positive beliefs that 'serve' us. It's human nature to become accustomed and comfortable with the well worn and the well known but, in the words of Neale Donald Walsch "life begins at the edge of your comfort zone."

What are you waiting for?